Laurie Halse Anderson’s stunning poetic memoir SHOUT is just around the corner, and we cannot wait to share a piece of it with you today!
Scroll down for an exclusive excerpt from SHOUT!
gauntlet, thrown
My high school was designed by an incarceration
specialist to make the herding, the feeding
and the slaughter proceed as efficiently as possible
that’s what we thought,
anyway
the isolated back hallway was an icicle
laid along the school’s spine,
I avoided it, cuz it was filled with jocks
but
after detention one day, at the end of ninth grade
tired of wasting my time
going the long way around
I walked down that cold hall,
itching for a fight.
A gym teacher stepped out. The short one
the intimidating one, radiating more energy
than Jean Grey on a cranky day, she pointed
her finger at me and I snapped to attention
and when she said I was a big girl
I said “yes, ma’am”
and when she said I should go out for sports
teams in tenth grade, I said
“yes, ma’am”
because I was terrified of that woman
In the fall, I dove
into the cold, bleaching water
swim practice;
my hair clean for the first time in a year,
I lost myself in underwater meditation
of lap after lap after lap after lap
and that winter I skied
in blue jeans, not caring
that I couldn’t afford snow pants,
not giving a shit what other people thought
cuz I was fast, so strong I carved my mark
on the face of the mountain
come spring, I threw shot put and sucked
at throwing discus, but I began myself again
stopped smoking
started chipping away at my concrete cage
went to class every damn day
cuz cutting classes meant I couldn’t practice
pulled my grades out of the toilet
stopped phoning in generic answers
and sleeping through class
didn’t need to, I slept
finally
at night, too worn out to entertain
the monsters in the closet and under my bed
the nightmares receded into the River Styx
for a while
I experimented with friendships
girls I met on the team,
dusting off the concrete, my fists
uncurled a bit, I stopped
being rabbit-scared
most days
God bless that short gym teacher
for caring enough
to call me out
and hold me up
high diving
Once upon a time, this fractured girl
wanted to fly
but was sore-afraid.
I watched teammates leap
off the high dive, flip
themselves into hawks
they called my name
but I chained myself in the far lane
pacing back and forth in the water
churning a wake of frustration,
still
every second stroke as I lifted my mouth
out of the water
to breathe
I opened my eyes to watch the hawks
spear the air
At meets, the diving took place in
the middle of the competition
swimmers turtled in towels on the deck
idle-watching, licking magic sugar powders
with cat tongues, as the divers flew
landing with a splash or a ripple
Once, a friend clipped her wings
on the way down, smashed
her head on the board
before she fell onto the surface
of the water,
they pulled her out, dazed and confused
scrubbed her blood off the board
my friend limped, but flew
a few weeks later, throwing herself
into the air, spinning
spearing
bruising the water
and getting up to try again
every second stroke as I lifted my mouth
out of the water
to breathe
I opened my eyes to watch
until one day my fins
began to grow feathers
SHOUT is hitting shelves March 12!