Our new favorite Pride and Prejudice retelling The Season takes place in the heat of the Texas debutante season, and stars a hilarious, fierce soccer star named Megan who’d rather be kicking balls around the field than attending them in a gown. For the benefit of sporty girls everywhere, here are Megan’s top 10 tips for being a Texas debutante!

Chapstick does not qualify as a make-up routine.

Tea can be a full-contact sport.

Prepare accordingly and protect yourself at all times.

Bruises, turf-burn & farmer’s tans can all be disappeared through the magic of concealer!

Head to your local M.A.C. counter and show them the damage. They will load you up with products to make your skin so smooth nobody will suspect you actually have a life.

When wearing a full-length gown and making idle chit-chat at a ball, it is totally possible to remove your heels and rest your feet without anyone really noticing.

You must move very, very slowly. [Editor’s note: see Audrey Hepburn as Princess Anne in Roman Holiday above. If she can do it, so can you. ]

A ponytail ceases to be an appropriate hairstyle for any formal event beginning after 5pm.

Who knew?

Taffeta & silk do not wick. Use copious amounts of antiperspirant.

I’ve tried all the girlie ones but nothing works like Mennen Speedstick (Ocean Scent). Man up.

Even though they are itty-bitty, if you eat the hors d’oeuvres like they’re popcorn (or stalk the waiters carrying them) people will give you side-eye.

There are times when it’s absolutely worth-it, but keep an Energy Bar in your purse for low-blood sugar emergencies.

Never mix pain-killers and white wine spritzers.

Acceptable idle chit-chat topics: college major, football, weather, shopping, the food, football,

how your family is doing (as long as the answer is “fine”), summer plans, and did I mention…football. Bonus points for recommending ESPN phone app to host’s son or husband for latest scores and headlines. Unacceptable idle chit chat topics: Politics, religion, Aggies (you never know) and how uncomfortable your undergarments are.

Girls who hydrate have to pee…a lot.

Get over yourself and use the trapdoor in your Spanx. Practice at home first. Trust me.

Bonus Tip.

It is acceptable to hide in the ladies’ room for up to twenty minutes. After that people will begin to wonder if you’ve passed out or been abducted.

Ready to meet Megan? Get your copy of The Season!